Dramatic Dying

Dramatic Dying
January 6, 2017
J. Glenn Eugster
Fontana Free Press

The television show of long-ago, "Have Gun Will Travel", taught me how, if you were shot, you could die with a dramatic flair. Kids of my day were given toy guns taught to shoot at the earliest age and I loved the idea. More importantly however I enjoyed getting shot and falling to the ground, uttering memorable farewell statements with facial and body movements, before appearing to die.

When I was very young my mother would leave my sister and I alone in our East Hills, NY apartment while she bought groceries while we sat on the couch and watched television. I loved my sister but her arrival caught me by surprise and no one told me why she suddenly appeared in our lives. Initally she didn't seem to do much beyond sleeping, bodily functions and watching television with me. On ocassion I tried to play with her and one day I introduced her to dying dramatically.

Without warning I doubled over, twisted my body on the couch next to her mumbling garbled goodbyes, before falling to the floor. She was surprised at first and encouraged me to get up. My face was flush with the carpet and my eyes were closed as I lay motionless below her. Soon her pleas for me to get up turned to the question, Are you dead? What could I say? In my mind I was.

As the minutes passed my sister began pleading with me sobbing, please don't be dead, please don't die. She ran to the kitchen, got a glass of water and splashed it on my face. Over and over she repeated her plea not knowing that her brother had watched far, far too much television and took pleasure in torturing the young child he was Ill-equipped to care for

My game became boring and my sister was borderline frantic so miraculously I came back to life and told her that I had been knocked unconscious. She seemed glad to see me and began breathing again shortly after my mother returned home. Lord knows what she told mom but being in charge is tough and I think I did a good job. My sister eventually got over the trauma and seemed to grow up quicker after that day. Good things often do hurt.

A Big Surprise in the Stone Soup Kitchen

A Big Surprise in the Stone Soup Kitchen
J. Glenn Eugster, Fontana Free Press
October 22, 2001

Leonardtown, MD.  The 35th Annual St. Mary's County Oyster Festival
Saturday was
the setting for the what was billed as the battle of the "Cooking Pisanos".
Charles "Petro" Petrocci of Chincoteague Island, VA. was scheduled to meet
Alex
"The Dish" DeSantis of Bethlehem, PA. in the main bout of the National
Oyster
Cook-Off.  Although De Stantis and Petrocci received top-billing and
months of
newsprint from far and wide, it was Dawn "Downtown" Brown of Baltimore,
MD. that
stole the show in the "Stone Soup Kitchen".  Brown won the hearts and
stomachs
of the standing room only crowd with her "Grilled Oysters Athena" and left
the
audience wondering, who are those two other guys?

The Cook-Off, the centerpiece of the Oyster Festival for the last 22
years, pits
the top 12 oyster chef's in the United States against each other in four
categories of competitive oyster cooking. This year's contestants came from
Oregon, Illinois, New Jersey, Connecticut, Mississippi, Vermont, North
Carolina,
Louisiana, and the Chesapeake Bay region.

Three contestants are picked by a panel of experts for each of four oyster
cooking categories--Main Dish; Soups & Stews; Hors D'oeuvres; and Outdoor
Cookery & Salads.  Each of the contestants has one hour and fifteen
minutes to
cook.  Contestants present their food to five unforgiving judges and then
present their dishes to the hungry and oyster-crazed audience.

Workers, in white rubber gloves, ladle small amount of oyster dishes into
little
white cups and hand it to the audience which lines-up in single file the
length
of the auditorium. The procession, which some call "the religion of
oysters"
seems hauntingly similar to communion at a Roman Catholic Church. In
Southern
MD, the Land of Religious Freedom, this procession to receive oysters
seems only
natural.

Petrocci's return to competition after an extended absence drew a large
number
of spectators to the County Fairground Auditorium.  Petros return, plus his
being placed in the main event versus DeSantis made this cook-off one of
the
most anticipated and talked about cooking competitions in St. Mary's County
history.  Spectators started filling the concrete block auditorium early
in the
morning to take their place to witness this part of Southern MD. History.

The Cook-Off was also covered by the Food Network which is scheduled to
produce
a television show on Oyster Festivals later this year.  Camera-people,
reporters
and extras swarmed the stage, photographed minor cooking details and talked
constantly with the contestants as they prepared their dishes.

The audience sat patiently through the Main Dish, Soups & Stews and Hors
D'oeuvers competition waiting for the arrival of Petro and The Dish.
Members of
the audience talked of the time when Petro forgot that the each of the
Outdoor
cooks are provided with impregnated coals.  People recalled that  Charlie
soaked
his charcoal briquettes with lighter fluid, lit a match to the grill and
set the
side of the auditorium on fire.  Even now there is debate among the cooking
aficionados as to whether Petros fire was accidental or planned to give
him a
competitive advantage.

As if the excitement of the cook-off wasn't enough, during the event the
Grand
Master of the Cook-Off introduced the "King Oyster" to the crowd.  As the
King
made way to the podium to make a few welcoming remarks to the crowd the
Grand
Master called for the audience to acknowledge this icon of oysterland.
Unfortunately the King was really a Queen--a fact that wasn't acknowledged
until
the King was seen leaving the building with the Grand Marshall in a
headlock.

Unfortunately Petro and The Dish could have used a diversion this year.
Downtown Brown, a relative unknown chef from the heavily polluted Port
City of
Baltimore, captured the gold medal for Outdoor Cookery and Salads.  With
style,
grace and a splendid selection, Ms. Brown made DeSantis and Petrocci, who
finished second and third respectively, look like two older guys who can
look
but can't cook.  Brown's "Grilled Oysters Athena" clearly outdistanced
Petro's
"Flambeed Oysters, Squid & Mushrooms" and The Dish's Touch of-Thai Grilled
Oysters with Mango Salsa".  Ms. Brown did Charm City proud as she pulled
down a
unanimous score from the judges and an overwhelming majority of votes from
the
audience.

The crowd was stunned by Brown's performance.  Their shock was short-lived
however, for as soon as they sampled her dish they realized that there is
a new
oyster chef in Leonardtown.  It didn't take the audience long to get over
the
disappointment that the DeSantis and Petrocci contest just never
materialized.
Many of the audience believe that Petro and The Dish were thinking too much
about the next level of oyster cooking competition.  Winners from the St.
Mary's
Festival take home $1,000 in cash, an oyster bowl, bragging rights for a
year
and get to go to Ireland to compete against international shuckers and
chefs at
the Global Oyster Festival.

DeSantis took the competition and his second place finish in stride.  The
Dish
said, "I've been here quite a few times.  I usually finish second.  You
never
know what the judges will like, one year it's this, one year it's that".
Petrocci, surprisingly obtuse this year, seemed disconnected about the
event.
He said, "I'm not organized this year.  I don't have a costume.  I have to
get
in touch with my coals.  There's too much going on right now--I can't
focus".

Petrocci's return to Southern Maryland was much anticipated and heralded.
Petro
has single-handedily carried the oyster-cooking-honor of the Eastern Shore
into
this competion many years and has done the Delmarvians proud. Although
Charlie
has proven to have Jordanesque powers, making these types of comebacks
over, and
over again, each time he creates an expectation that is Neptunean. Perhaps
Petros third-place finish can be chalked up to the stress that has
permeated all
of our lives since September 11.  Then again maybe Petro's longtime Oyster
Festival companion, Chef Marie, said it best, "Charlie's only human, you
know--and we do have a good time coming to Leonardtown".

Up a Tree

Up a Tree

September 2, 2011

J. Glenn Eugster

When I was a younger man living in Atlanta, married and with a daughter, I lost my job one year because I held out for a bigger raise.  My spouse wanted me to get more money and after being offered a nice raise she urged me to go in and ask for more--and tell my boss that unless I got more I would leave.   He said fine and I left unemployed.  So how was it for you dear?

Looking for work I offered my landscaping services to people through a newspaper ad.  I got a call about cutting down a damaged tree and arranged to do the worked in a suburb of Atlanta.  I arrived to find a pine tree leaning over a split level home.  It was a job I hadn't performed before but we needed the money so I agreed to take it down even though I didn't have the skill or the insurance to cover the work.

I looked it over, and over, and over, pondering my next move.  Then I remembered that my Uncle Joe knew how to cut trees.  I called him on the phone and told him of the situation.  He verbally walked me through what I needed to do to bring the tree down.  I tied the tree top, roped it around another tree, and pulled it back far enough so that when I cut it the tree would fall missing the house.  

Uncle Joe was clear on what I had to do and with my heart pounding I did what he told me.  I cut a little, pulled hard, and then cut some more.  I must have spent an hour pulling and cutting, pulling and cutting, being careful not to cut too much into the tree trunk so as to drop the tree on the house. 

I kept at it until it was about two or three feet from where it needed to fall.  With my hands now blistered and raw from cutting and pulling I cut the trunk far enough to be able to pull it hard enough to bring it down.  It missed the roof with about 18" to spare.  I was joyous and called Uncle Joe to tell him of the success I experienced.  Once I calmed down I cut-up the rest of the tree, got my check and headed home.

These days I negotiate my own salary and pay others to cut trees down.  Uncle Joe is in another place and I need to be careful what I say yes to.

Mattituck High School, NY. Suffolk County Soccer Champions. 1965.

Genetic or Not? Sneeze at the Sun

Genetic or Not?  Sneeze at the Sun

August 2, 2009

J. Glenn Eugster

Fontana Free Press

My wife Deborah and I visited my sister Claudette and my brother-in-law Eli at their summer home in Ocean Isle, NC.  It is always a treat to see these two and their beach-house makes it all the more enjoyable.  Most always my sister and I will get into some slightly off-beat conversation and this year was no different.  One of us sneezed which sparked a discussion about the causes of sneezing.  My sister, using Clifford Clavin-logic, stated with great confidence that “sunlight caused sneezing is a genetic trait”.  

As Eli and my wife quickly decided they had other things to do, I questioned Claudette’s ascertain using my own lopsided-wisdom and fuzzy stories.  As the conversation unfolded and wandered about it was obvious that my sister, who was always a much better student than me, wasn’t buying my opinions.  

When I returned home from our visit I did some research on the topic of our debate.  I learned from my research was that sunshine sneezing is referred to as  “Photic Sneeze Reflex“.   It appeared from the research that there is no consensus medical opinion about whether we get this trait from our parents.  Research reveals that sunshine-sneezing occurs in one out of every three people.   I sent my findings to Claudette with encouragement that perhaps her fact-finding would reveal information that will someday support her contention that either, or both, our parents-- Joe and Jay, gave this happy face quality to us. 

I noted that one of the researchers looking into the link to genetics is looking for people to test.  I also noted that I'm now researching another family theory that if you pick dandelion flowers you will have to pee.  This my get complicated if it turns out that research reveals that picking “wee-wee flowers” in the sunlight causes this trait?  Go figure, I thought we were normal.

"A Duck and the Swans of the Peconic"

"A Duck and the Swans of the Peconic"

September 25, 2011

J. Glenn Eugster

Fontana Free Press

Riverhead, NY 1988.  After the canoe rental company dropped me off on a dirt road not far from the old Grumann Aircraft facility I paddled along the upper Peconic River in Suffolk County.  I was alone  and it was a weekday afternoon in the Spring.  The sun made my paddle comfortable and I was looking forward to a break what I was doing in Riverhead that week.  As I paddled the narrow, meandering stream I noticed that the Peconic started to widen and the current slowed.  It appeared that the river may have been damed but the large openness of the river presented new opportunities for exploring this part of the Long Island Pine Barrens.

I began paddling along the edge of the river to get a closer look at the forests and wetlands.  Small feeder streams entered the river creating tiny enbayments which were frequented by various plants, birds and animals.  As I worked my way slowly downstream I noticed swans near the center of the river.  Much to my surprise they were paddling quickly toward me with heir heads tucked down into their bodies.  Their menacing stares made me realize that I probably was close to their nests.

I paddled faster but they had an angle on my route that ensured that our paths would eventual cross if I were to continue my paddle.  Not knowing what to do next I began to shout loudly at the swans hoping to scare they away.  My shouts did nothing to differ the regatta of birds headed my way.  I checked the depth of the water anticipating that the collision that seemed inevitable would no doubt deposit me in the river.  I couldn't find the bottom of the stream and the idea of falling into deep, cold water on this relaxing afternoon didn't appeal to me at all.

In an instant the sedans were upon me and I reacted with a loud shout while whacking the water with my paddle.  They were impressive birds, both beautiful and menacing,  and I wanted to avoid actually whacking them unless it was absolutely necessary.  They paddled parallel to me as I tried to continue to move away from the shore and downstream.  My plan was to keep whacking, shouting and paddling and hope that they would let me go.   

After a few minutes they veered off and I continued my paddle not knowing what was ahead.  With a greater focus on getting to the location where the company would pick me up, I paddled with a greater sense of purpose figuring that I could relax when I was off this little river.  As I continued on I saw what appeared to be a large earthen mound across the river.  At first I thought it was an impassible dam that would require me to make a portage.  As I moved closer I realized that the mound was actually fill for the highway that crossed the river.  Rather than build a bridge the highway department filled the stream bed leaving a small rectangular opening and tunnel at the base of the mound.

I pulled-up along the mound and looked closely for the route that would get me to the other side.  The banks were very steep so the idea of carrying my canoe up and over the road wasn't practical.  The tunnel was very small and narrow but it looked like it was big enough for a canoe to get through.  I paddled to the opening which seemed to be designed to allow a small portion of the river through.  The tunnel was very dark, seemed very long, and was smaller than I imagined.  However, if I was willing to continue my paddle I'd have to sit on the bottom of the canoe and pull myself through the dark shaft with my hands.  My hyper-tension climbed as I pondered the decision.

My fear was overtaken by a sense of either adventure or stupidity.  Either way I decided to go into the tunnel knowing that if I were to get stuck in the shaft,  or the tunnel collapsed, or, worse yet, blood thirsty bats were inside, this trip might not have been a good idea.  Placing my paddle on the floor of the canoe I sat on the bottom of my boat and leaned back to until my head was level with the peaks of the front and the back of the canoe.  Quickly I was within the darkness as the boat moved slowly along with the current.  My imagination ran wild as I moved underground not knowing whether this would work or not.  What would I do if there were metal bars at the other end of the tunnel?  What about snakes and spiders falling into the canoe?  Could this be where the NY Pine Barrens Devil lives?  What if the canoe got stuck and I had to roll it over to get out?  What if the water level behind me rose and I was pinned to the ceiling of the shaft?  Why, oh why, did I do this?

As I said the Act of Contrition and numerous Our Fathers' and Hail Marys' I began to see light at the end of the tunnel.  A sense of optimism began replacing my sense of dread and I soon realized I was breathing again.   Little by little my canoe moved me to the light.  I wondered whether there was yet another surprise for me at the end of the shaft.  Would the swans reappear?  Would a raft of rebellious LI ducks take issue with my desire to pass through their part of the river?  Was it possible that this area was part of a Air National Guard practice target area?  As I came out of the tunnel my imagination switched off and I soon realized that I had made it to the other side.

The remainder of the paddle was relief and a humble celebration.  As I paddled to my destination I was glad to be close to the take-out point, relieved that I was still dry, and exhilarated by the experiences I encountered.  When I returned to the Riverhead Motel, where my father and I were staying as he underwent two weeks of treatment 

terminal lung-cancer, I shared my adventure with Dad not quite knowing how to verbally describe my paddle along the Peconic.  At the end of my story my father asked if I got a chance to relax.  I replied, Oh yeah!.

Philadelphia's Anti-fed Feds

Philadelphia's Anti-fed Feds

July 14, 2015

J. Glenn Eugster

I thought you might enjoy looking at this list of people that worked in Philadelphia for BOR, HCRS and NPS during the period between 1976 to 1990.   My list, compiled from my notebooks attempts to list those I worked for and with doing work on rivers, parks, heritage areas, landscapes, etc.  I've included some of those who volunteered as well as temporary and full-time employees.  It doesn't include all the valuable people that assisted these folks, such as mailmen, administrative staff, public relations, etc.  If you see someone missing, or something that needs to be changed, let me know.  

Over the years my time working for federal agencies in Philadelphia gave me the opportunity to work with an amazing array of talented and dedicated people.   As I flipped through some of my notebooks I was pleasantly surprised to see some of the names of people.  I looked further and started typing names and couldn't stop until I went through each of the notebooks.

Enjoy and be safe.

Glenn

DRAFT----Philadelphia Feds (1976 to 1990)

July 14, 2015

A

Jody Artur

Mark Appel

Ray Andrews

Red Arnold

Dean Alexander

B

Julia Bell 

Barry Bohnet

Lee Anne Beauchamp

Bradley Burke

John Bayless

Mike Batcher

Nancy Balderston

Wendy Brown

Halie Bostwick

Larry Brose

Bill Bock

Phyllis Johnson-Ball

Barbara Becker

Don Briggs

Joan Batory

Barry Bohnet

Carol Beall

Carol Beall’s daughter???

Jeff Butler

Mike Berman

???? Basnight

Bruce, Sabrina

Chuck Bears

Michelle Byers

C

Harry Compton

Mary Ann Connelly

Heidi Cooke

Elizabeth Chace

Martha Cruisius

Christina Cruz

Bob Cambell

Mike Creasey

Tony Corbisiero

Kevin Coyle

Dennis Canty

Joan Chaplick

D

John DeWitt

Jonathan Doherty

Deb Darden

Lisa Dewey

Joe DiBello

Bill DeCarme

Faith Douglas

Daniels, Ann

DiMuro, Ron

E

Mark Everett

Laura Eugster Doyle

Fred Eubanks

Glenn Eugster

Connie Estrada

Delores El

F

Carl Frederich

Peter Fine

Karen Frank

Chick Fagan

G

David Glassburg

Dave Gross

Bob Gift

Deirdre Gibson

Mike Gordon

Roberta Gilrude

Dorothy Geyer

Edwin Grahm

H

Helene Hollander

Ed Hay

Marsha Hulme

Chuck Hull

Fred Herling

Joann Halenda

Jack Hauptman

Wanda Hobart

Scott Hall

Martha Hollis

Daniel Haas

Dave Hampton

I

J

Ann Jones

Joanne Jackson

Sasi Judd

Michael Jennings

Mary Jaron

K

Dave Kimball

Pat Kennehan

Barbara Kaufman

Shirley Krissell

Alicia Kale-Riddell

Kathy Kester

Cecily Corcoran Kihn

Janet Kroupa

Elizabeth Korman

Mary Koniezny 

L

Joanne Lawrence

Elizabeth Luckens

Dave Lange

Michael Linde

Mary Lee????

Lusk, Rich

Paul Labovitz

M

Mike May

Sarah Massey

Bob Munson

Deb Miller

Terri McGettigan

??? McArdle 

Kim Matthews

Kevin Murray

Ricki Levine McKenzie

George MacPherson

Bob McIntosh

Dick Martin

Rich McDermott

Dixie McKinnon

Greg McKinnon

Louvinia Madison

Renee McKnight

??? McDonald

????Maurich

Helen Mahan

N

Kel Nelson

Judy Newmark

Kathryn Newland

O

MIchael O’Brien

P

Sandy Prevan

Drew Parkin

Kathy Polosky Kates

Sherry Peck

Monica Payne

Gerri Pendelton

Carmen Perez

Q

R

Julie Rignor

Alan Raggins

Victor Rydlizky

Elaine Rosenberg

Valerie Ross

Andy Raddant

Ruth Raphael

David Rivera

S

Fritz Steiner

Tom Sexton

Shelly Styles

Adelle Stephens

Lewis Santiago

Suzanne Sutro

Mescal Stephens

Kathy Shaw

Bob Schenck

Evelyn Swimmer

Pat Sheehan

Delores Sculli

Gay Sprowl

Barbara Stratton

Lynn Stoddard

Aubrey  Sheriff 

Ken Schwartzkopf

Flossie Sears

T

Brad Thompson

Milia Tsouasis

Elizabeth Titus

Christine Tougas

Frank Thomas

Charlie Tracey

U

Cathy Urbanek

V

W

John Wilson

Wendy Wagner

Arville Washington

Skip Weiner

Paul Wieser

Peter Iris-Williams

Kent Wimmer

Patty Weber

Dick Williams

Peter Wycoff

Nancy Woods

Gene Woock

Rosalind Wilson

X

Y

Joan Young

Z

Others Needing More Research

Genese???

Mary Kimit???

Dan Forester???

Cindy Jackson??

Fernando?  

Phil???

Bruce ??

Dorothy????

Harriett????

Diane??

?????Hucks

Mary Jaron???

Maybry????

Others???