Elise Gold’s Tuscaloosa Time

Resolution Recognizing 

Elise Gold’s Tuscaloosa Time

Whereas, on August 20, 2008 with considerable natural talent, hard work, pomp, circumstance, family tears, tight genes, and the admiration of parents, relatives and small animals, Elise Gold, the daughter of Birminghamians, Eli and Claudette Gold, will begin her college education at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

Whereas, this academic pursuit represents yet another amazing and impressive step in the life of Elise (aka, “Princess Charmin Potty-Head, II, Little Bits, Kiddo, Cokie Gold, Cousin Elise”) Gold.

Whereas, Elise—a happy child, came into our lives on February 4, 1990 as a lovely baby, with barely a peep, amidst tornado watch sirens, rumbling thunder, jumping animals, and friends wagering in the waiting room about the sex of the child-to-be. Moreover, fairly soon after her arrival she developed a knack for crying, from just after dinner until bedtime.  She also managed a toot-salute the day she was baptized.

Whereas, her parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces, friends, young children, and customers in the check-out line have used every waking moment of  her lifetime to give her insight about the ways of the world including what she should and shouldn’t do now that she is relatively free of the tyranny of their influence. Moreover, her family has spent a lifetime preparing her for leaving home by:

telling her what she should and shouldn’t do; 

teaching her how to read and write, while urging her to go right when she was a natural southpaw; 

taking her on annual birthday celebrations and Daytona beach walks, while helping her build sand castles and eat “handy” ice cream birthday cakes, acquire boardwalk splinters and pierced-ears, use playground swings and see-saws, and play hotel Bingo;

enabling her to eat her weight in steaks, shrimp and sundaes; 

taking her for a lap around the Daytona Racetrack;

helping her know the difference between Richard and Tom Petty, and Bobby Allison and Bob Allison; and

teaching her to sing chorus, after chorus of “The Weather is Fine for Flying” on the flight to Daytona Beach. 

Whereas, Elise, has spent a lifetime preparing for this southbound journey to the Crimson world of Tuscaloosa from the family nests by honing the skills she will need in college including:

cheering for “Bama” at a very young age;

flying off of playground swings, on her belly, face-first creating beard-likes scrapes on her face;

colliding with young boys at break-neck speed to incur and deliver bruises and black-eyes;

dancing to American Idol while ridiculing other contestants; 

swimming with and without water wings; 

playing Ocean Isle wiffle ball like a girl;

falling down and tripping up stairs in Alexandria;

eating vast amounts of candy and chips in Greenvale,

singing unscheduled songs from the “Wizard of Oz” at church during mass; 

applying cucumber eye-treatment to family members at Ocean Isle; and

working hard at writing, reading, decoupage, day-time sleeping, late night phone calls, Math, Best Buy, Carvel ice cream cake, and making Valentine’s Day cards. 

Now, therefore be it resolved that the Gold, Stazweski, Doyle, Fiore, Cheshire, Shaw, Bakowski, Holmes-Butler, Parga, Eugster-Weatherly families, and their associated collection of cats and dogs, using their influence on Jacobs Road, Capitol Hill, East Howell Ave., Hillside Ave., East Barber Ave., talk radio, television, Elm Street, and other high and low places, recognize the extra ordinary accomplishments and potential of Elise Gold and designate August 20, 2008 as:

 “Elise Gold’s 2008 Crimson Tide Day”. 

Specifically we agree to recognize all that she does; make nice-nice for at least one day; supply genuine smiles, platitudes, and bowls of trans-fat-free chips and dip, and slabs of lean red meat; and work harder to appreciate her status as an independent, free-thinking woman, for as long as we can remember to do so. 

At a time when life often steals some of the people we love the most, Elise Gold and her accomplishments, continue to be a gift and good news to those who love her from near and far.  May you finish what you start on this day and know that we are very proud of you!

Be it further resolved that a copy of this resolution be provided to Ms. Gold.  

Approved:  Palm Bay Hotel Beach Club Association, August 7, 2008.