"The Great Lasagna Escape"
Forty-two years ago, on this day in Laurel history, two children were waiting
for their parents to arrive home on Saturday night. The children, Glenn and
Claudette, were instructed by the Mother-Josephine, Jay, Mom, to remove a
pan of lasagna from the oven at 6:15 pm. Mom said, "Take the lasagna out of
the oven at 6:15 pm, put it on the top of the stove and let it cool.
We'll be home at six-thirty and we'll eat then."
The Father--Joseph, Joe, Jr., Joe, worked on Shelter Island at the Bohack
food market and each Saturday, Jay would take Joe to work so that she
could use the family's car for various trips around the rural community
where they lived. Jay had left shortly after five o'clock, leaving
Claudette and Glenn with the lasagna instructions and the promise of a
special Saturday night meal.
Jay had spent the day taking care of errands with the car. However, she
allowed enough time that day to prepare a lasagna meal for the evening.
Lasagna was a special favorite of the family and it featured flat noodles,
tomato sauce, ricotta cheese, and ground beef. The lasagna would be
served with a tossed salad--with French dressing, and hot crusty French
bread. Of the many meals that Jay prepared for the family, lasagna was in
the top-three in terms of her ability to cook and the quality of the
delicious dish.
Glenn and Claudette watched television while Jay went to pickup Joe. As
they watched the television they were mindful of the lasagna
responsibility, regularly popping-up from their seats to check the wall
clock in the kitchen. Claudette, always the more responsible of the two
children, said, "Let's not forget to take the lasagna out of the oven to
cool at 6:15 pm." Glenn, always one to underestimate the complexity of
life and the tasks he was given, replied "No problem!".
During the year of this event, Jay and Joe were quite predictable with
their patterns. You could usually expect, within five minutes, when they
would return from the Saturday routine. In the late fall and winter it
was possible to look out of the porch window and actually see the car
approaching the Brush's Creek bridge along Peconic Bay Blvd. The bridge
was a little more than an eight-of-a-mile from the turnoff at North
Oakwood Road where the family lived. This Saturday, however, leaves
blocked the view so the children could only estimate that their parents
were likely to arrive home around 6:30 pm as promised.
Shortly after 6:10 pm Claudette and Glenn began to stir. As the children
hovered around the small kitchen they prepared for the removal of the
lasagna from the oven. Walking in place each child put one oven-mitt on
and used a pot-holder for the other hand. With unusual teamwork and
deliberation the two children approached the oven at precisely 6:15pm and
opened the oven door.
As the door opened the heat and the aroma of the lasagna gently touched
the children's bodies and senses sparking both fear, hunger and
excitement. They reached in with the oven-mitts and began to slide the
lasagna out in order to lift it to the top of the oven. In an instant the
pan slipped and fell upside-down onto the floor. Although massive panic
filled the room, not a hint of noodles, sauce, ricotta cheese or beef was
seen on the floor. Unbelievably, the pan of lasagna was in tact, albeit
upside down, facing the kitchen floor.
The children spoke rapidly in moaning sounds, close to crying whispers of
pleas for mercy. "Why, or why, did this have to happen to us? Maybe we
should leave!", said Glenn. Claudette replied, "She'll kill us for
ruining this meal." "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh..." became a chorus that the children
sang in sweet painful harmony. "What are we going to do? cried Claudette,
into Glenn's bewildered eyes. Thoughts of an angry and painful tongue
lashing by the Mother raced through the children's head until they thought
their heads would pop.
Jay was short in stature and could be the sweetest and most kind parent
ever charged with the birthing and raising of children. Unfortunately she
had a temper that had been cultivated in some dark recess of her adult
life. Most importantly, she was very intelligent and tended to have a
major disdain for stupidity, especially when it involved her children or
husband. Both Claudette and Glenn new that this accident crossed Jay's
standard and went beyond a reasonable mistake. Stupid acts such as this
one could turn a nice Saturday evening into open family warfare filled
with cursing, crying and an early curfew.
It was now 6:22 pm and the kids had to move quick before the Jay and Joe
would come in the back door. Quickly the children lost their fear,
moaning and panic decided that they would try to turn the pan of lasagna
rightside-up without losing the mix of ricotta cheese, noodles, beef and
tomato sauce. Armed with spatulas and a sense of determination that was
surprising considering their years and sheltered existence, they bent down
and slid the spatulas under the pan from each side.
Holding the breath and praying to Jesus, the two--one the count-of-three,
flipped the pan and held the lasagna. "We did it!" they both screamed
with joy. "We saved the meal and our lives" blurted Claudette, as they set
the pan on the stove top. Once the pan was in place, they started to
breath normally again and did a quick clock-check to see that it was now
6:28 pm.
With minutes until the arrival of their parents the children quickly
repaired the "face of the lasagna." Although the panful of noodles,
sauce, ricotta cheese, beef stayed in place, the top had taken a beating
as it the kitchen floor. "Thanks God the floor was clean," said Glenn, as
the two redecorated the face with all the skill of French pastry Chefs.
Shortly after 6:30 pm the children heard the car turn into the yard and
within seconds Jay and Joe arrived and found the lasagna cooling on the
stove top and Glenn and Claudette in a relaxed--slightly exhausted state,
watching television. "Are you ready for dinner?". said the Mother. "You
bet," replied both children as they quietly and thankfully moved into the
kitchen to take their place at the table. Never was Mother's lasagna as
good as it was this day, forty-two years ago.
J. Glenn Eugster
Fontana Free Press
Alexandria, VA September 7, 2002
