Aunt Stella’s Gift

Aunt Stella’s Gift
December 4, 2006
J. Glenn Eugster
Fontana Free Press

When I was young I was walking at night with my Aunt Stella along what is now called Elm Street in Greenvale, New York. It was very dark and the sky was clear that night and I remember my Aunt saying, “Look Glenn, there is the Big Dipper”. We stopped along the road and my Aunt helped me look for and see the amazing formations of stars that night. I was struck not only by what she showed me but also by what she knew. The sky and my Aunt, I thought, were very impressive.

One evening last year I was watching a television show called Inside the Actor’s Studio. It featured Long Island, New York-born actor and dancer Christopher Walken. Walken mentioned how successful or distinctive actors develop an objective correlative which he described as something that you associate with a person that evokes a particular emotion in an audience. As I listened to the interview I thought about the special things that reminded me about people I know and love.

My aunt Sophia—Zu-Zu, passed away in 1997. I think of her often for the many things she did with her life and I still pray for her each Sunday. However, whenever I see a penny on the ground or a four leaf clover in the grass I always think of Aunt Zu. She believed, as I do, that a lost penny or a discovered four-leaf clover is good luck to the person that finds them.

Aunt Zu’s sister, my Aunt Stella, lives in the family home in Greenvale, New York. I have known her longer than anyone else in my life and as a result my list of her objective correlatives is much longer than anyone else’s.
Zu-Zu and Stella Stazweski were two of six children--Helen, Al, Mary, Josephine Jr., Joseph, Stella and Sophia, born to my grandparents Josephine and Anthony Stazweski. My grandparents emigrated from Poland to the US and met and married in New York. Josephine was about 15 at the time she arrived in the US and came to New York with her sister Olympia, or Cha-Cha as we called her.

My grandfather died at a young age leaving his wife and children to fend for themselves in Greenvale, NY. As the children grew some of them left home while the others stayed to help their mother maintain the family home.

Zu-Zu, Stella and Joey, the youngest of the six, stayed with their mother. Stella graduated high school and began a job she would keep most of her adult life at Doubleday Book Company in Garden City, NY. It was her “other job” given the responsibilities she took on at home.

When I see a book published by Doubleday I think of my Aunt Stella. For years she would rise from bed in the dark, dress stylishly for work, and walk down Elm Street past the dark yew bushes, pear trees, and stucco houses of the Polish and Italian people that lived along the street—once called Mongalousa Lane, to Guinea Woods Road-now called Glen Cove Road, to catch a ride with a co-worker.

Where my Aunt went when she left for work was always a mystery to me. Doubleday Books was in Garden City which from the name must have been a quite special place. It sounded big, green, corporate and sophisticated and I was impressed that she worked there.

Doubleday published and sold books and my aunt regularly brought them home. The books were always new, with colored shiny covers, large and heavy. They smelt fresh and were full of knowledge. Aunt Stella always seemed to pick out books that were on topics that were interesting and sophisticated. The topics always exposed me to something or someplace new and different and my interest in books got its start from her sharing this part of her work.

As I watch my wife Deborah, or daughter Laura, successfully juggle a variety of family and professional tasks I think of my Aunt Stella. Aunt Stella would return from work each evening at the same time, in a most predictable way, somehow never looking fatigued. She walked back along the street greeting neighbors along the way, with the same bounce in her step that she left with, returning to the house in time to cook and care for the family. While others needed to come home from work and “relax” before doing something else Aunt Stella never seemed to need a transition from one job to another. Her ability to move from one task to another was done so seamlessly that it masked the effort that she was making.

My Aunt Stella and Zu-Zu were another set of parents for my sister Claudette and me. They were always glad to see us, and were generous with their time and affection. Each phone call or personal welcome was always with a smile and very pleasant greeting. No matter how boring, distracted or obtuse we were as children my aunt’s always genuinely seemed to be interested in what we had to say, what we were doing, or what we hoped to do. My Aunt Stella, more than anyone else I’ve known, offered me unrestricted love from the first day we were together.

Stella and Zu were close and their behavior toward us was quite similar and often complimentary. I was one of the first children born to this generation of nieces and nephews and perhaps I got the jump on Pat, Richard, Claudette, Paul, Stephen and Oscar by being one of the new kids. Aunt Stell seemed to warm to me quickly and given that I was a shy, skinny child the fact that this friendly, attractive and caring lady showed interest in me was wonderful.

Aunt Stella’s interest in me created a seasonal rhythm to my childhood. She regularly sent me birthday, Halloween, Christmas and Easter cards and they would arrive with her distinctive and very legible handwriting. Each card was a welcome sight when it arrived and I looked forward to these greetings and the reminder that she was thinking of me even when I wasn’t with her.

At Christmas and my birthday my aunt would give me gifts. For Christmas I took the liberty of letting her know what gifts I most wanted. It seemed that I did believe there was a Santa Claus but I believed in Aunt Stella more than jolly-old Saint Nick.

Year after year I would write embarrassingly detailed letters to her identifying a particular toy. Lionel trains were of great interest to me then and I would routinely identify the particular car or engine—by color, model, and catalog number and page. If there had been “Mapquest” then no doubt I would have helped her find the store that sold the gifts of my desire. Amazingly she would listen to me and more often than not, when I was reasonable in my requests, she would give me the gifts I asked for.

The relationship with Stella and Zu was more than cards and gifts. Our time with my aunt’s was special and on many occasions it gave us new and lasting insights to life.

When I visit the North Shore of Long Island I visit places I went to as a child and think of my aunts. They took us places, both unique and average, and every trip was a positive adventure. We made regular trips up and down Elm St., to the beach, Engineers Golf Course, the Glen Cove Carvel, Walzach’s Delicatessen, Lord & Taylor, Korvette’s and the A & S department stores, Catholic churches, the Roslyn duck pond, and the cemetery where my grandfather and grandmother, are buried.

My aunts introduced us to people at the shops and stores, neighbors along Elm Street, Priests at church, people where Aunt Zu worked, and acquaintances at the beach. They introduced me to their close friends, such as John Bakowski, my Aunt Stell’s longtime love and companion—and one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. As we met people my aunt’s would introduce us with pride and poise which was a big deal for kids like us. These interactions taught my sister and me that we counted and how to handle greetings, and be polite and social.

Each trip and introduction broadened our little country heads, exposed us to a bigger world showing us places to walk and enjoy nature, buy food for the family, shop for clothes—and toys and records, and recreate They also opened our eyes to the important, helpful, pleasant, and loving people out and about in the world beyond our home.

In addition to showing us how to enjoy the pleasures and responsibilities of life my Aunt Stella demonstrated daily throughout the past, and present, what it means to be part of a family and care for the people that you love.

Over the years I watched my Aunt Stella help people in good times and bad. I watched her assist Uncle Joe when he needed help and understanding. I watched her provide support to my Mother, Aunt Helen and Aunt Mary on family matters and child raising issues. She shouldered the responsibility when Uncle Al struggled with a terminal illness. I watched her help my Grandmother recover from a broken hip, and lovingly care for her until she died. I watched her help Aunt Zu battle terminal lung cancer. More than anyone else she was, and still is, the constant in our lives, always accepting circumstances and each of us no matter what happens. She always makes time to care for family members that needed—or need, her help.

When I see Bermuda shorts or two-piece bathing suits I think of my Aunt Stella. My earliest recollections of her are ones that include stylish summer clothes, an attractive, healthy body, and a dark tan. She always turned heads when we visited the beach and her clothes and the way she carried herself communicated a confidence that I have always admired.

Even today, as the years have past, she never seems to change or grow old. Age never seems to affect her body, beauty, or mind and it is not unusual to find her occasionally sunning herself in the back yard of Elm Street in a two-piece.

As I think about my Aunt I’m often struck by how ironic life can be. Despite the love and care she has shown to others it seems as if life hasn’t always been as loving to Aunt Stella. Many of the family members she has loved and cared for have lost their health and passed away. Her brother Alex and her sisters Mary and Jay passed away before their time and her oldest sister Helen, as well as her husband George, and her brother Joe have been battling health problems for some time now.

As I watch and listen to my Aunt I think that the reality of life must sometimes be frightening for her as she sees so many of the people she cares about pass on. Each change in the family shrinks this part of the family circle and challenges her to continue to be more and more resilient. Perhaps knowing that she has made a difference in each of these people’s lives makes it easier for her to deal with the joys and sorrows—and the eventualities of life. Hopefully she takes some comfort in knowing that she has helped raise the next generation of family members.

As I watch her continue to live her life her way I’m both pained and pleased. It is painful to see her struggle with the problems around her. I can’t help but wonder why life can’t give Aunt Stella occasional time to pause and let her enjoy life without sickness and death.

Watching my Aunt also gives me pleasure for she has touched so many of us in so many ways. Certainly she is always there in a crisis but perhaps more importantly she has given all of us an unconditional love and taught us the importance of loving your family no matter what happens. Each year I see some of Aunt Stella in my sister Claudette, my daughter Laura, my cousins Pat and Richard, and even in myself.

Stella has given us many gifts. Some are bought and wrapped and some are those that have made us better people and family members. I think of her often these days as time moves quickly, and the miles are harder to travel each year. There is not a day that passes now when I see those special things that make me think of her with love and admiration. The night sky and my Aunt are still very impressive.