"I'm Not As Young As I Look Award"

The 2002 Palm Bay Fountain of Youth Society
"I'm Not As Young As I Look" Award
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A Resolution
To Honor the Birthday of
Claudette K. Gold
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Whereas, over the course of one's life there are certain occasions when it is appropriate to take time to bring certain facts to mind, reflect and try to remember what really happened.

Whereas, January 20, 2002, the 50th anniversary of the birth of Claudette K. Gold (a.k.a. Claudie, Karen Glacamoira, Claudine, C.K. Claudette Colbert), is one of those reflective and noteworthy occasions--and well-worth remembering.

Whereas, Claudette arrived on earth, with the assistance of Jay & Joe Jr., at Roslyn Hospital and soon took residence at Casa del East Hills, NY.

Whereas, she demonstrated early and often an ability to eat her alphabet soup, look cute with no hair, withstand cruel "please don't die" couch tricks, avoid neighborhood gangs and cigarettes with Chucky, and survive a pre-arranged child-marriage to the son of a Chinese laundry owner.

Whereas, with the assistance of Aunt Stella and Sophia, Ms. Gold learned leadership, responsibility, teamwork, beach-bathing and other forms of sun and sand worship, the joy of pizza and beer, shopping, and essential family and social skills.

Whereas, she abandoned Western civilization, as New Yorkers know it, for a life as a Laurelpolitan on the North Fin among the cauliflower, fiddler crabs, brussel sprouts, gulls, potatoes, shellfish, rye, finfish, sandy beaches, ice ponds and dirt roads.

Whereas, it was within this frontier environment that she excelled singing solo at Sacred Heart about "How Are Things in Glacamoira?" hawking candy bars, wrapping paper, and Christmas cards, consistently whacking wiffle-balls over the fence, flipping trays of lasagna while whimpering, maintaining consistently high grades in local classrooms, avoiding highly frustrated Nuns, regularly turning screaming triples into routine outs, clearing the basepaths whenever the opportunity presented itself, and maintaining her wits while those all around her were losing theirs.

Whereas, following the wanderlust traditions of her immediate family, she took a ramble to the South without fear or apprehension, with one of the best announcers in the land, in search of hockey teams, humidity, racecars, surf, sand, shrimp and a place in the sun. In a holy, solid and quite wonderful marital partnership with her husband Eli, she has traveled extensively, root-root-rooted for the home team, worked successfully in diverse business careers, brought Joe Jr. back from the great beyond, maintained communication between and about family members, stood by her Man, raised Elise the amazing "Bama-Girl" while being a friend of many--including small strange cats and dogs.

Whereas, it is typical for people to forget the past and achievements of others, and only recognize personal accomplishments or the major screw-ups of others, this comes as a gesture of largo-apprecio.

Now, therefore, we the Honored Trustees of The Palm Bay Fountain of Youth Society proclaim January 20, 2002 as "I'm Not As Young As I Look Day" to recognize Claudette K. Gold of Birmingham, Alabama and formerly Laurel, New York. Specifically we agree to recognize all that she does; make nice-nice for at least one day; supply genuine smiles, platitudes, bowls of fruit and slabs of red meat; provide an expensive looking Fountain of Youth Award, and work harder to appreciate everything she does and the way she does it for as long as we can remember to do so.

Hats-off to you Ms. Gold!

By Order of Moe "The jungle is my castle the animals are my friends" Gambo, Chairman, Palm Bay Fountain of Youth Society, Fontana, CA.
01-20-02

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J. Glenn Eugster
Fontana Free Press